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  MY BIG BOTTOM BLESSING

  “My Big Bottom Blessing's healing truth and humor have been a song to my spirit. Every woman will find herself— and a new way of seeing—in this life-changing book.”

  Wynonna Judd, five-time Grammy winner and New York Times best-selling author of Coming Home to Myself

  “If you've ever wrestled with self-image issues or doubted that God is with you in your most painful moments, you need this book. Teasi Cannon is the real deal, and you will be immediately sucked into her story simply based on the authentic way in which she tells it.”

  Pete Wilson, author of Plan B and Empty Promises

  “Teasi Cannon is essentially a truth-and-grace bomb just looking for a place to detonate! Her book is engaging, disarming, and encouraging…especially for Jesus’ girls who never quite feel like they measure up.”

  Lisa Harper, author, Women of Faith speaker, Bible teacher

  “The hooligans that once rattled in Teasi Cannon's mind still rattle in most of ours. Read on and find what you need to kick these liars to the curb!”

  Michele Pillar, three-time Grammy-nominated singer and author of Untangled

  “After more than a decade of working with women at war with food and their bodies, I have FINALLY discovered a book I can recommend to every one of them without reservation! With tenderness, vulnerability, and a refreshing sense of humor, Teasi Cannon speaks life-changing Truth to the heart of every woman who has believed her appearance determines her value. Regardless of what you weigh or the crazy diets you may have tried, My Big Bottom Blessing will set you free from the numbers game to embrace God's beautiful best for your life!”

  Constance Rhodes, founder and CEO, FINDINGbalance and author of Life Inside the “Thin” Cage

  “One of the most honest, divinely inspired authors to come along in years, Teasi Cannon has penned a life-changing book. You'll want to read it with a highlighter. Better yet you'll want to reread it as soon as you turn the last page.”

  Lisa Patton, best-selling author of Whistlin’ Dixie in a Nor'easter and Yankee Doodle Dixie

  “If you are tired of being defined by your pant size or three little numbers on a scale, My Big Bottom Blessing is for you. Snappy, authentic, and powerfully written, Teasi has finally given real women something BIG to cheer about.”

  Allison Allen, Broadway actress and author of the forthcoming Windblown novel, The Magdalene

  “I only like to read books that change, encourage, or entertain me in some way. My Big Bottom Blessing did all three. Teasi's transparency had me crying one moment and laughing aloud the next. This book is not only a great read, but it offers tools and real hope to anyone dealing with the pain and struggle of low self-image. I love Teasi's courage as she faces herself, and I recommend this book…highly.”

  Trisha Frost, cofounder of Shiloh Place Ministries and author of Unbound

  “Raw, honest, and hopeful…Teasi's story isn't a foreign one. You'll likely find yourself in these pages, just as I did. Read with a willingness to open wounds you've tried desperately to self-medicate, and be prepared for a heart journey that will lead to a truly healthy and God-honoring perspective.”

  Jenni Catron, executive director of Cross Point Church and founder of Cultivate Her

  “My Big Bottom Blessing uses humor and Teasi Cannon's real-life experiences to help women overcome the misconceptions of self-image. It's only through a deep, personal understanding of Jesus and His love that our true image is revealed. This book will change your life.”

  Pastor Steve and Sarah Berger, authors of Have Heart

  “Through the pages of My Big Bottom Blessing, Teasi Cannon gingerly lifts us out of self-focus and sits us smack in the middle of God's grace! This is a book filled with practical application and truth about every woman's beauty in the eyes of God. Thanks, Teasi, for the reminder; I needed it!”

  Cindi Wood, Frazzled Female Ministries, author of Desperate and The Frazzled Female series

  “Teasi Cannon confronts the emotional weight of body image with startling courage and refreshing honesty. She wisely balances humor, compassion, and deep biblical truth to help women of all shapes and sizes understand their true worth. This book will become a friend.”

  Toni Birdsong, coauthor of @stickyJesus

  “The pain of life builds barriers between us and God, causing our perception of our loving Father to be far from truth. We listen to our enemy's lies about our worth, our weight, and our work. Teasi Cannon has opened her life and her heart with bold honesty to share her journey through the pain of abuse and weight gain. She shares her personal journey as God teaches her to see herself in His eyes: a beloved, beautiful princess of the Most High King. This truth in this book has the power to set you free.”

  Nancy Reece, Integrity Fanatic speaker, senior consultant of The Human Capital Group, Inc.

  My Big Bottom Blessing

  How Hating My Body Led to Loving My Life

  Teasi Cannon

  Copyright © 2012 by Teasi L. Cannon

  Published by Worthy Publishing, a division of Worthy Media, Inc., 134 Franklin Road, Suite 200, Brentwood, Tennessee 37027.

  HELPING PEOPLE EXPERIENCE THE HEART OF GOD

  eBook available at www.worthypublishing.com

  Audio distributed through Oasis Audio; visit www.oasisaudio.com

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2012934735

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  All Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

  For foreign and subsidiary rights, contact Riggins International Rights Services, Inc.; www.rigginsrights.com

  Published in association with Wayne Hastings Company, LLC

  ISBN: 978-1-617950-76-6 (trade paperback)

  Cover Design: Christopher Tobias, Tobias Design

  Cover Photo: ©Darren Greenwood/Design Pics/Corbis

  Photo Illustration: PixelWorks Studios

  Interior Design and Typesetting: Susan Browne Design

  Printed in the United States of America

  12 13 14 15 16 17 18 SBI 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  To Carli, my sweet beauty from ashes

  And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.

  Revelation 12:11

  CONTENTS

  Acknowledgments

  Introduction

  1: A Bum Deal

  2: A Second Chance?

  3: The Die…it

  4: Opening a Locked Heart

  5: No More Missing Out

  6: No More Orphan Living

  7: Digging Deeper

  8: Forgiving and Fessing Up

  9: Unfinished Business

  10: Defending Territory

  Conclusion

  Recommended Resources

  Appendix A

  Appendix B

  Notes

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thank you, thank you, thank you…

  To my precious man, Bill. You are my best friend. You are my dream-come-true. Thank you for moving heaven and earth to fight for my heart and for loving to spoon.

  To my amazing babies: Carli, Ben, and Sam. I know it's a nerdy mom thing to say, but my heart bursts with love, joy, and everything divine when I think of you. Thank you for the gift of yourselves, for every hug and every sweet kiss on my cheek. T
hey fill my tank.

  To the people who directly enabled me to write and publish this book, huge thanks:

  Dawn and JT Taylor. For your love and friendship, for introducing me to the life-saving truths that are layered into these pages, and for faithfully standing by the operating table while God performed some major reconstructive surgery in my heart.

  Jack Frost (who is reading this from heaven), Trisha Frost, and the entire Shiloh Place ministry team. For your disarming transparency, heart-gripping understanding of the Father's love, and willingness to share it. God used your ministry to save my life.

  Allison Allen. For our near-daily talks about everything under the Son, your never-ending encouragement to give God time, and the eternal blessing of a loving and kindred friend.

  Phil Stoner. For being the very first to say, “Write that book,” and being generous enough to read through my very raw first attempts. Your support lit the fuse.

  Toni Birdsong. For your laugh, your zeal, your lovingly brutal honesty, your amazing gift of encouragement, and the hours of your precious time spent helping me make this story better one chapter at a time.

  Wayne Hastings. For seeing something compelling in the pages of my manuscript, feeling led to send it to a few friends in book publishing, and then patiently guiding me down the roads of my brave new world. I couldn't ask for a more patient and kind agent and friend.

  To Byron Williamson and his over-the-top incredible team at Worthy Publishing:

  • Kris Bearss. Oh. My. Gosh. Thank you for reading my manuscript and liking it. Thank you for your support of not only this book, but of me. You are an amazing executive editor, and I thank God for you always.

  • Sherrie Slopianka. Thank you for your support and more-than-generous help with all things social networking. I think I've finally passed Facebook 101.

  • Thank you, Rob Birkhead, for your marketing genius; Morgan Canclini, for your kindness and help; Jeana Ledbetter, for graciously leading me through my very first book contract; and for all the amazing creatives who designed the cover and interior of this book.

  Thank you, Susan Tjaden, for rounding out the edges and bringing an expert shine to the pages of my story. I'm so thankful for you. You are a sweet and incredibly gifted editor.

  Thank you, Marika Flatt and Tolly Moseley at PR by the Book, for your support, wisdom, and for helping me get the word out about My Big Bottom Blessing. You are both amazing.

  To the generous and gifted people who took their time to read and endorse this book: Wynonna Judd, Allison Allen, Steve and Sarah Berger, Michele Pillar, Lisa Patton, Nancy Reece, Trisha Frost, Pete Wilson, Jenni Catron, Constance Rhodes, Lisa Harper, Toni Birdsong, and Cindi Wood. I know you are all very busy, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  Thank you to my pastor, Steve Berger, and his precious wife, my friend, Sarah. For nearly half my life you've shown me what it looks like to serve and honor God no matter the cost. Thank you for loving me and supporting me over all the years.

  Thank you to these bosom friends I've been blessed with over the years: Christina Broadwin, Suzy Foley, Michelle Rajcic, Tracy Dekaney, Colleen Daly, Barb Mahy, and Jodie Grenead. I adore you all.

  Thank you for the friendship, encouragement, counsel, and wisdom of the following people: Rick and Diana Cua, Jeanie Davis, Dave and Cheryl Buehring, Sarah Richmond, Kelley Arnold, Wes and Linda Yoder, Lark Foster, Robin Morrison, Camille Piland, Tami Olin, Pam Hastings, Meg Cox, Amy Lowry, Melinda Myers, Anne-Marie Helmsworth, Diane Spencer, Carol O'Rourke, Suzanne Brown, Rachel Bradley, Brittany Jenkins, Byron Spradlin, Kara Christenson, and Kathy Rowland.

  Thank you to all the pastors, elders, and committed Grace Chapel family who have loved me in so many ways.

  Thank you to my Gootee and Cannon family. I love you all. Thank you to my incredible mom and dad, who always believed I would write a book someday and loved me enough to speak words of life and hope over me year after year. I'm so glad God chose you to be mine. And Jenny Fann, my sweet baby sister, I'm so proud of you. Thank you for loving me all these years no matter what.

  To my grandma, Johnnie B. Parker. Thank you for handing down my big bottom genes. I adore you, and I can't wait to dance with you in heaven some day.

  And to You, the most worthy One, my Father God. I thank You for my whole life and with my whole life. You are my everything, and I give You everything.

  INTRODUCTION

  Does this book make my rear end look big?

  You probably won't be able to answer that question until after you've turned the last page, but hopefully your answer is yes. If it is, more glory goes to that crazy good God of ours—the One who truly turns the most unlovely of things into treasure.

  Here's the main gist of how it happened for me: even after giving my life to Jesus and becoming a “good Christian girl,” there was a lot of work left to be done in my life. It took me awhile to figure out that this is true for everyone. There isn't a person who stands up from the altar after saying one simple sinner's prayer and walks away perfected. Not you. Not me. Not anyone. It's just a beginning—the starting point of our Christian expedition.

  It seems like an obvious truth. Logic would tell me that change takes time. But somehow, almost subconsciously, I thought that simply being a Christian meant that everything should be just fine. After all, the Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ and that we are more than conquerors—old things are gone and so on. The problem was I wasn't seeing all the evidence in my life, especially in the area of my weight. No matter what I tried, I could never seem to get thin, and that nearly ruined everything. Nearly.

  My weight on the scale led to such an agonizing weight of emotional pain in my heart, which led to a total breakdown, which (ironically) led to the very adjustments that saved my life. As these adjustments were made, things started getting better. I know that statement sounds annoyingly simple. So, let me be clear: some of the adjustments were quick and easy, but some took lots of time and were quite painful.

  Now, the reason I can't keep this story to myself isn't because I feel the need to share my pain. No one would want to read a story filled with only pain. No, I want to share the story because I love my life now, whereas I used to be miserable. Because I love my friends now, whereas I used to be jealous and bitter. And—perhaps most miraculously of all—I love my body now, whereas I used to hate with a capital H—Hate—myself beyond words.

  I have a feeling the same can be said of you. And as you read this story, I hope you will discover that you are not alone in your pain, no matter how great or small. I hope that you can get healing for even the deepest wounds in your heart, and that you can learn to silence the community of voices/lies in your head as truth takes over.

  As I tell you how it all happened for me in the pages to come, I'll also share a little of my poetry, a taste of my journal entries, a lot of my findings, and some heartfelt prayers. Oh, and along the way I'd like to introduce you to some of the characters who claim my head as their residence.

  Welcome to my experience of the goodness of God.

  ONE

  A BUM DEAL

  There are enemies all around us

  Seeking to destroy

  They come to tear our hearts apart

  And take away our joy.

  Some are just plain bothersome,

  Some invoke great fear.

  But none are near as devastating

  As the enemy in the mirror.

  Imagine yourself standing in front of a mirror right now—completely naked. Can you say that you love who you see? Believe it or not, I can.

  Now you're probably thinking one of two things: either this lady has a perfect body, or she's a total liar. Wrong. In fact, at the writing of this book I am about fifty pounds heavier than society deems appropriate, and I promise the declaration is no lie. Hopefully you will find this easier to believe once you've read my story. It is an unraveling—or maybe a roller coaster—but it's a tale that ends ever so triumphantl
y.

  As you can probably surmise by now, I have not always been okay with my body. In fact, most of my life disgust would have been the appropriate word to define what I felt when looking in the mirror. Research shows I'm not alone. A recent Glamour magazine poll revealed that 97 percent of women have cruel thoughts about themselves each day—thirteen times a day on average.1 And sadder still, 90 percent of high school junior and senior girls diet regularly, even though only 10 to 15 percent would be considered truly overweight.2

  VALUE INFLATION

  This obsession we have with weight and physical appearance is crazy—especially from a Christian perspective. Think about this: the value that has been placed upon being thin is not a value that has been given by God. In fact, the Bible is pretty clear that what matters most to the Lord is the appearance of the heart. Although being healthy is important, God is far more concerned with the amount of love we are showing than with the firmness of the thigh we are showing. So, who do you think is behind this value inflation? Could it be the Father of Lies, the devil? Who else would want to keep us distracted and weighed down by things that matter so little? Who else wants us to hate the very flesh God made?

  It's one of the world's biggest tragedies, really. Millions of women like you and me take their first steps of each day into a bathroom where a lie/mirror is waiting to tear them down. For some the object of ridicule is a nose that is too large. For others it is a web of wrinkles. For me it was always my weight.

  Looking back on my earliest years, I don't remember there being even one season in which I was happy with my body. Painful awareness of my larger size came as early as elementary school. Kids were cruel. Being teased in grade school feels…well, you remember how it feels, don't you?