My Big Bottom Blessing Page 8

  MY ORPHAN WAYS

  I'd like to take a moment here to tell you about some of my former orphan ways—ways that continued well into my life as a Christian. I'll admit that some of them are embarrassing now that my heart has been changed. But, if we're all gonna get honest here, someone's gotta go first. It might as well be me. I'll start with the biggest one: my bottomless need for approval.

  Before I was finally able to receive lasting love and approval from my heavenly Father, I was desperate to get it from people. Nearly everything I did was motivated by that need. Of course I wasn't consciously aware of it at the time, but when I offered to help a friend with her children, I didn't really want to help her. I needed her to think that I was a great friend. When I signed up to help with this or that at church, I didn't do it because I really wanted to do that task, it was because I needed someone to think I was such an amazing servant. I needed to be counted as one of the spiritually mature—those who sacrifice their time and resources for others. I needed to be seen as “someone” because deep inside I didn't really believe I was.

  That need for approval went hand-in-hand with another of my orphan ways: competition and jealousy toward others. Because I needed approval so badly, when others around me got it, I was jealous. I couldn't rejoice when others were promoted because inside I was thinking, “Hey, I've been here longer than she has! What's the deal?” When someone was honored at church for starting some amazing new ministry, I'd be trapped in bitterness because it should have been me.

  And that disappointment led to another orphan way: hopelessness. When others around me were being blessed or promoted in their jobs or ministries, I couldn't help but feel like nothing good was ever going to happen to me. It seemed like God wanted to give good things to everyone around me, but for me, life was going to be about striving for what little I could get.

  YOUR ORPHAN WAYS

  So, what about you? Do you think you might have some orphan ways keeping you from living the way God really wants? In appendix A of this book, there is a list of orphan heart tendencies, but one simple way to find out is to answer this question honestly: can you really rejoice when others rejoice? Now I mean really. Even more specifically, do you think nothing but happy thoughts when someone gets exactly what you've wanted for years, but you don't? Could you say you're not a bit jealous when they get that job you've been dreaming of? That guy you've imagined on your arm? That ministry you've always thought was God's call on your life? The thing you've been praying about for years?

  I'll tell you this: about the only thing that would keep you from being truly happy for others is fearing that nothing good will ever come to you. And that, my friend, is orphan thinking. That is the belief that you have no inheritance. No exciting destiny. And this way of thinking makes it impossible for us to be effective Christians. You know why? Because the Bible says that people will know we are Christians by our love for one another (John 13:35). And if we can't rejoice for each other, we don't have love.

  And not only that, but this way of thinking means we can't really love God because we'll always think He's holding out on us. And we won't see Him as a loving Father longing to give us good things. He will be seen only as a master—someone to be served and rarely appeased.

  THE DAUGHTER WAY

  Now, the opposite of living the orphan way is living the daughter way—living like we belong to a family—like we have a Father—like we're safe. This way is easier to describe than it is to live, simply because it requires letting go of bad habits. Not only bad habits, but we need to let go of lies we've believed about our own identity and about Father God's. Living the daughter way requires us to relinquish our orphan ways, and crazy as it may seem, many of those ways die hard. Without us realizing it, they became our identity—such a huge part of our being—and letting go can be painful.

  But it's so worth it, for there is nothing—I mean nothing—like the freedom and peace that a daughter feels.

  So, what does the daughter way look like? Here's a glimpse:

  loving people with no strings attached

  loving God simply because He's our Dad, and not for the things He can give us

  believing we have an awesome inheritance instead of feeling the need to fight for anything we can get

  serving God and others because we can't keep ourselves from sharing the love instead of doing it to impress people

  knowing we have value and worth instead of listening to the lies of the devil

  living free and fruitful instead of bound and broken

  Take it from this former orphan girl: I don't ever want to go back.

  NOT LEFT AS ORPHANS

  The good news is Jesus knows our predicament, and He addresses it in the Bible. In John 14:18, He says, “I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” In this verse “orphans” means more specifically “comfortless and fatherless.” And Jesus doesn't leave us that way. Remember that He came to be “the Way” back to the Father. When we follow Him into the embrace of our heavenly Father, the fact is we are not fatherless. And He also comes to us, as He says He will, through the power of the “Helper” or “Comforter” (the Holy Spirit, John 14:16). The truth is we are not comfortless.

  We also know we are not orphans because the Bible tells us we've been adopted:

  For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God. (Romans 8:15–16)

  We are daughters of the King of Kings, and not only that, but we have been given an inheritance. In fact, we are joint heirs with Jesus (Rom. 8:17). We have the same Father He has, and remember Jesus was all He was because of the Father He had. Just think about all we could be if we put an end to our orphan thinking and take our rightful place—a place that Jesus prepared for us. It's ours for the taking.

  FIRST STEPS

  As I said earlier, our orphan ways sometimes die hard. Some of those bad boys have been beating us up for years, and they don't want to leave without a fight. But, if we want to make the truth of our biblical position become our actual experience, we must show up for the battle.

  I'd like to tell you the “three easy ways to slay the orphan in you,” but they don't exist. This battle we face is really an individual journey—one that must be made with the Mighty Counselor.

  But there are things we can do. We can admit the orphan ways we see in our lives instead of ignoring them. We can turn our focus toward receiving the Father's love, which includes turning our focus away from what our earthly parents might have done wrong and letting them off the hook. And we can make a firm choice (one we declare to all who will hear) to live as daughters and not orphans—accepting the full privilege, blessing, and inheritance that come from that position.

  We can also ask God to forgive us for the sinful ways we've acted because of our orphan heart. That sin acts as a barrier keeping us from God, and we want to knock it down. The humility it takes to get that honest with ourselves and with God isn't for sissies.

  THE SUPERNATURAL STUFF

  Now, we can't do the big stuff—the supernatural stuff that words fail to accurately explain. We can't bring sight to our blind eyes. We can't transform our thought processes and change deeply ingrained bad habits. We can't bring life into dead places in our hearts. But, the Holy Spirit can…when we ask Him to, and then allow Him to.

  King David understood this way back in the Old Testament. Look at his prayer in Psalm 51:10–12:

  Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

  The Holy Spirit does such wonderful work. The Bible calls Him the Helper (John 14:16–17); our life (Rom. 8:2, 10–11); the Spirit of truth (John 14:17); the Spirit of adoption (Rom. 8:15–16); and the Spirit of holiness (Rom. 1:3–4). H
e is all those things for us.

  When the pain of our orphan thinking becomes great enough that we are willing to do whatever it takes, the Holy Spirit does His work. When we give Him full permission (He won't force Himself on us) to do what He does—revealing truth, convicting of sin, comforting pain—things actually start to change. Bit by bit that orphan heart we've lived with for years is replaced by a new one: the heart of a daughter.

  A DAUGHTER'S PRAYER

  Oh Heavenly Father,

  Thank You for calling me Your daughter—for loving me warts and all. Thank You for being a safe place for me and for giving me an eternal home.

  I need to ask You to forgive me for all the years I've lived as an orphan even though You told me time and time again I was Your child. Please forgive me for having such a jealous and bitter heart, despising others for the blessings You were giving them. I was afraid nothing good was ever going to come to me. I see now that this is a lie, and I'm so sorry for believing it.

  Please forgive me for all the years I worked to get the approval of people when all along You were longing to pour upon me more approval than I could have comprehended. I now accept my place at Your table as Your daughter, and I know Your plans for me are good. I know Your inheritance for me is good. I choose to believe the truth of Your Word about my life and the importance of it. I take my rightful position as a joint heir with Christ!

  I love You,

  Your daughter—the daughter of the King

  WHAT ABOUT YOU? OWNING UP TO ORPHAN WAYS

  Take a look at the chart in appendix A. List three orphan heart tendencies you see in your own life: (For example: source of comfort—seek comfort in counterfeit affections) a. ______________________________________________________________

  b. ______________________________________________________________

  c. ______________________________________________________________

  Write what the chart says would be found in the heart of God's child for the categories you listed above: (For example: source of comfort—seek quiet times with God) a. ______________________________________________________________

  b. ______________________________________________________________

  c. ______________________________________________________________

  Do the orphan tendencies you mentioned in number one seem to have an effect on the relationships in your life? If so, in what way? _______

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  How do you think your daily life would change if you started really living like a daughter of the King? ____________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  What would it be like to truly love others with no strings attached, with no fear, and with the ability to truly rejoice when they are blessed? ___

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  What might try to keep you from letting the Mighty Counselor bring to light everything He needs to in order to replace your orphan heart with a heart of a daughter?

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  _________________________________________________________

  PEP TALK: TAKE YOUR PLACE

  Most of us have never considered ourselves orphans. I know I never did—that is, until I saw all the orphan heart tendencies that were alive and well in my life. When I first saw all of this going on in me, I felt a bit disappointed in myself. But calling out the orphan heart in us isn't something to feel guilty about. It's really something to be excited about because there's a 100 percent effective remedy: taking our rightful place as children of God.

  It's so important to remember that this “heart transplant” isn't accomplished by our own effort. We don't have to add anything to our religious “to do” list. We simply need to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth about our identity as a daughter—to show us all that has been given to us and all that we have a right to. It really is like finding out a distant relative has left a huge inheritance for you in a safety deposit box. You've got the choice to receive the inheritance or not. Why would you want to deny it?

  FORWARD FOCUS: CHILDREN OF GOD

  John 1:12—But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name.

  Romans 8:16—The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.

  Philippians 2:15—That you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.

  1 John 3:1—Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.

  1 John 3:2—Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.

  1 John 5:2—By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments.

  SEVEN

  DIGGING DEEPER

  Pull dandelions until the sun goes down,

  But unless you destroy the roots,

  You will awaken once again to a garden of weeds.

  You may have heard this before, but I can't think of a better analogy to describe what happened in my life the day Father God took me even deeper—painfully deeper into my own heart (a journey I could not have taken as an orphan). Here's the question: What should you get when you throw a very small pebble into a quiet pond? Very small ripples, of course. Well, one day that small pebble caused a tidal wave of emotion in my life.

  THE PEBBLE

  The day was beautiful. It was sunny and warm—a perfect Saturday. The occasion: a baby shower. Around fifty women from my church had gathered to lavish a young expectant mother with gifts and to share words of blessing and advice. The food was great. The fellowship, sweet. All was going well until the pebble dropped.

  The mother of the expectant mother called for a time of prayer. This is something the women of my church almost always do: pray for the delivery, the baby, and the new family life to come. Since the group was so large, the mother of the mother-to-be handpicked a few women to come forward. One by one she invited each elder's wife in attendance. She invited them all…but me.

  THE TIDAL WAVE

  This dropped pebble didn't cause a ripple in me. It was more like a tidal wave. I couldn't believe what was happening. Neither could Sabby.

  SABBY: How can she leave you out?

  FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: I don't know. I am an elder's wife too!

  SABBY: Oh, my gosh, I feel so bad for you. Why would she do that to you?

  FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: I don't know. What is wrong with me?
>
  SABBY: I don't really want to get into all that's wrong with you right now, but it's obvious that she doesn't like you very much. I guess your prayers aren't wanted.

  Feelings of rejection rose in me faster than…well, pretty darn fast. I felt like I was going to throw up. A cold chill ran up and down my spine while hot tears sprang to my eyes. I thought I was going to have a meltdown.

  Luckily for me every head was bowed and every eye was closed. The praying had begun. I sank as far back into a corner as I could and took several deep breaths as I tried to keep myself from yelping like a wounded cat. Tears kept trying to claw their way out of my eyes, as I dove deep within the recesses of my mind for some sort of rescue—perhaps a thought that would distract me, helping me to make it through these prayers with some composure. I needed something really good. Something funny would do the trick.

  THE DEAD COW AND THE DOG

  The thought I landed on was kind of funny, I guess. But it was mostly just plain gross.

  I realize this may seem disturbing, but what I chose to meditate on while a sweet and holy moment was occurring on the other side of the room was…my dog sniffing a dead cow's backside. Now, before you judge me, I didn't create this thought. The scene actually happened earlier that very morning right outside my kitchen window. Living on a farm, visions such as this are quite common. I couldn't help it that this particular memory happened to come into my mind at just that (perfect) time.

  As soon as the last amen was said, I put on the best fake smile I could and hugged anyone who happened to be standing in the way along my path to the door. I told the last woman I saw that I was so sorry I had to leave early, but that I had somewhere else to be. I nearly sprinted to my van, started it up, and peeled out of the gravel driveway—tires spitting rocks at the family dog. Tears finally broke through the barricade I had put up and rushed down my face in rivers. I drove away from those women I had known for years—mentally shooting them the bird. (I know…I was bad.)